Hey kids, here we go again, I haven't been here in a while, as I seem to have plateaued... My healing process is going well still I guess, which is to say that the surface stuff has healed quickly, and now the deeper more serious stuff is just chugging on. Its hard because no matter what I do its going to take more time. And while I'm trying to avoid going stir crazy, and simultaneously trying to figure out just what the hell I'm going to do with the rest of my life now, I can't help but wish that I could just climb a tree and hide up there for a while.
I saw some kids doing parkour yesterday and it kind of sucked for me. Knowing that while I'm mobile and such now, I'm more like 70 year old lady mobile, and not really capable of sustaining the shock of jumping... period.
I'm still playing lots of guitar, still fantasizing about doing another big hitching trip this summer, but I really don't know what the cards hold for me. Its all gone so well recently, but I wonder when I'll hit the wall. That thought is the source of most of my terror right now. When am I going to get to the point where I'm not going to recover beyond that. Where does things I "used to be able to do" start? I know that I'm going to get a lot back, and I know that I should be grateful for every breath I have, but when is that wall coming, and will I be able to handle being on my side of it...
See ya next time kids, hopefully with something nicer to talk about.
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Try thinking about it as "If" instead of "When" that wall comes. Keep positive, your body heals so fast because you're willing it to, and letting yourself get stuck in that pit of fear for the unknown future that you have no control over only weakens you. (And I know you know all that.) I know your father was also in an accident around your age--has he passed on any insight? Something interesting to write about I'd say. Keep writing! I'm officially a "follower" to your blog here but it sounds weird...lol. I will tell more people about your venture into gonzo! Peace Julz.
ReplyDeletep.s I've heard a couple people describe "that wall" before, but yours was beautifully written--even if it is a dark thought to have to share.
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